Time Out

The air in the room is tense. A single low-watt bulb flickers overhead. Water drips from the ceiling. A snow white dove escapes The Perfect Human’s brow.* Every eye in the room is on Mike Babcock who is looking down, burning a hole in the cement floor.

E: Is he having a stroke? Should we- Mmph
Lils: Shut. Up. Are you trying to get us all killed?

Not one of the men has their head raised. Jimmy Howard is sitting on the floor, having broken his stool against the wall. Now he is holding a stick in his hands, trying to snap it in two without drawing attention to himself.

Ozzie: Dude, P-
Jimmy: No I will not “Peace River!” I’ve had enough of your mellow, hippie, coffee-drinking. I am Angry River, dammit!
Ozzie: Shhhhhhh!

Babs: *finally looks up*
Entire Team: *recoils in horror*

Much to their relief, nothing and no one is vaporized.

Babs: Well I guess you all know why you’re here. You know why I’m disappointed in you.
Team: *sad nod*
Babs: Then you know what needs to happen now. I want you-
TPH: I’m putting myself in time out!
Babs: What?
TPH: *recovers from his emotional outburst and proceeds stoically* I’d just like to apologize to everyone. My performance was not what it should be. I’m going to go sit in time out and think about what I’ve done.
He rises regally and departs, a flock of doves following after him.

Babs: *thrown off, but trying to regroup* Right well, I hope the rest of you realize Swede isn’t the only one who-

Jimmy: *wibble* I’m going to time out too! *flees*
Mule: Me too!
Hank: Me three!

Babs: What? Hank, you don’t need time out. You’re doing fine.
Hank: I can always be better!

The entire team leaves the room to sit in time out for a while. Babs is left sputtering and annoyed. All that time working himself up to a frothy rage and no one to unleash it on.

But there is still one person left in the room.

Ozzie: Wow you cleared the room. Good job.
Babs: *grins, looking like the Grinch*
Ozzie: Why are you looking at me like that?
Death Stare: *set to stun*
Ozzie: *whimpers*
Babs: TIME OUT!
Ozzie: But I didn’t even play!
Babs: There are SCRIBBLES all over the face off charts. You have a GROCERY LIST in the margin. They make erasers for a reason, you barbarian.
Ozzie: But-
Babs: Time out! Go!
Ozzie: Yipe! *scampers off*

Babs: *triumphant* Excellent. Good work, Babcock. Way to keep ‘em in line. Let’s go kill a moose and mail it to Shane Doan.



^This is why I don't worry about our boys. Because they put themselves in time out^

*He's the Perfect Human. He sweats doves, okay?